When the Onion Attacks

The cool breeze awoke Sally the strawberry with a fright. She rose to her feet and glanced around the frosty counter top while her luscious leaves whooshing with the direction of her gaze. 

“Ahh!” She screamed as a vibrant ripe banana approached her looking lost and in a big hurry.

“Whoops! Merci, Madam,” said the French banana.

Sally felt butterflies in her stomach; she had never seen a banana with such… je ne sais quoi.

“What is your name, succulent madam?” The banana leaned seductively towards Sally, still puffing the cigarette that hung off the edge of his lip.  “It’s Sally," she replied. She could feel the heat burning through her cheeks as she blushed and bashfully looked away. 

“Pierre is what they call me. Now that introductions are through, I must be on my way. I have just learned of a wonderful opportunity from an old apple across the way. He spoke of a large carton of ice cream that is waiting for some fruit to make a smoothie! I am on a mission, for I was grown from the finest tree branches of France, and my life purpose is to make the best smoothie that anyone has ever tasted.” 

Sally paused, and just as she opened her lips to respond, Pierre continued.  

“Come to think of it madam, a strawberry would be quite a delicious addition to this smoothie. Would you care to join me on this mission?”

Sally had never met someone so direct before - she had only just met this banana a few moments ago! Her first instinct was to decline Pierre's offer, but she has been feeling a void in her life lately. Maybe this adventure could be the spark she has been craving in her life! She agreed, they packed up her things and continued where Pierre left off.

Pierre seemed to take this long journey as his opportunity to describe his life story, carefully describing each minute detail and Sally couldn't help but zone out as he dragged on. She was distracted by the aching pain in her feet that tingled with each step she took. Just as she was beginning to feel faint, she noticed a glimmering large object in the distance - the ice cream! She interrupted Pierre with her excited tapping on his shoulder. This did not please the French banana, who responded in an annoyed tone.

“What is it?!” Pierre snapped.

“The ice cream, Pierre! It’s right there!” Sally exclaimed. 

They both began sprinting as fast as they could towards the carton.  Conveniently, an ice cream scoop and mixer were located nearby, so Pierre began scooping ice cream into the blender until the carton was nearly empty. Sally was not sure how the ice cream had not melted, but maybe this truly was fate at work to fulfill Pierre's destiny. The blender began to whirl around slowly at first and then faster as the solid contents became liquified. Sally was mesmerized at Pierre's dexterity; he did not even have hands!

Pierre and Sally were so distracted that they did not notice they were being watched. Leftover dinner sat out on the stove and a decaying onion examined the fruit as they prepped their smoothie. He had always wanted to be a part of something sweet.

This was not just any onion. Imagine that old guy at a bar; the regular that comes in to see the cute waitresses that talk to him merely to pacify him. He wears ragged clothes that he has probably had since his wife left him and he drinks alone every night. You almost feel bad for this man, but he is in no way a good person. He uses the pity that you feel for him to get you to talk and he belittles you by calling you honey, sweet-cheeks or baby. He smells like last night's beer vomit and seems to move with such a sway that you think he may fall over at any moment. He is a close-talker and if he catches you in a pass-by, you will likely end up against the wall in a very uncomfortable place. He will never act on his impulses, but you can see his filthy intentions in his eyes as he looks you up and down.

Maybe I should go and be in their smoothie, thought the onion. He hobbled over the oven pan towards the fruit. “Hey there sweetie you," he said to Sally. "You better let me join your smoothie or I’ll kill your faithful companion!”

Sally felt chills run down her spine when she saw the swaying, rotted onion staggering towards them. Pierre’s arrogance did not falter in this encounter, thankfully. “You think that an onion as disgusting as you would ever be allowed in our smoothie?" Pierre smirked. "Over my dead body.”

“Well that's not a very nice way to speak to your elders, is it boy?” The onion's raspy voice croaked. He quickly pulled a rigid edged knife from beneath his layers and tried to stab Sally. Sally was quicker than the onion and dodged his initial blow, but the onion regained his balance and attacked once more. Sally's stems caught the tip of the knife and sent it clattering across the counter away from the tussle. Sally's back was facing the edge of the counter by this point, and the onion extended his decrepit hands outward and pushed her to her death.

Sally’s screech echoed through the kitchen as she fell to the floor. Pierre's heart sunk into his stomach as he ran to the counter cliff to find Sally in the worst place of any fruit’s life: bruised.

Pierre turned towards the onion and grabbed the knife. He drew his arm back and sliced the villainous onion in half in one blow. The onion would not recover. Pierre quickly leapt off the counter, hitting the ground with a hard thud. 

Tears welled up in his eyes and cascaded around Sally's cold, lifeless body. Pierre held  Sally for a long time, wondering if he could have done anything differently to have her with him still. He kissed Sally’s hand just before he let it go for the last time. 

Pierre turned to walk away. He looked at the empty carton of ice cream, the blender filled with half the ingredients needed to make a smoothie, the sliced onion and the leftovers on the stove.  Guilt and disappointment were all he could feel throughout his entire body: it nearly became numb. How could something have gone so terribly wrong?

He heard a small clink against the wood floor. Pierre turned around and gasped - it’s not possible. he thought. One of Sally’s seeds jumped from her body and grew into a strawberry right before his eyes.

Sally giggled and said, “silly, don’t you know that all strawberries have six lives due to our excess seeds?” Pierre could not even speak through his joyous tears.

The two fruits embraced each other tightly. Pierre knew at this moment that becoming a smoothie was never his destiny, it was meeting Sally. Everything he thought he knew about himself changed. moment he met her, and he would spend the rest of his banana lifetime catering to her desires.